Why I want Orgasm Denial

I have no idea why Orgasm Denial makes me feel so fucking incredible.

I know my husband loves to see me cum, even when I am dying for him to deny me. So I thought I would write a little about why I enjoy being used and forbidden from orgasm.

I can let myself focus everything on giving my Husband absolute pleasure. I love his pleasure so very much, I love knowing he is enjoying himself and satisfied with me. Sometimes I get so worked up with my own need to cum that I am not focusing on him at all. If my orgasms are taken away then so is that issue. I can allow feel my mind and body be totally tuned to pleasing him, not just sexually but also mentally.

When I am not allowed to cum, I feel myself slipping into a beautiful submissive headspace. I am horny but completely at peace. I sleep easier, my thoughts are calmer and kinder, my desire to please is stronger than ever, I have far more motivation to do things that will make him happy.

I get to feel his. I cannot stress enough how important this is to me, I really get to feel like I am owned, safe, protected and his. When I am fucking him and I know he is using me, I am so aware of all his movements and mine. My body goes from being mine, to being his. I really feel like every thrust is dedicated to him and it boosts my confidence hugely. I feel sexy and erotic, knowing that each second of our love making is a gift to him. Knowing that his pleasure is fucking satisfying.

See I would love to say that this feeling and desire I have is completely selfless, but it really is not. I would love to say that I am only concerned with his pleasure, but that would be a lie. That fact that he is the only one getting an orgasm gives me unbelievable pleasure. It makes me happy and it feels good to know I am being used. It makes me feel sexy and wanted, desired, useful, needed, loved, accepted etc. It makes me feel so many beautiful things, and for this reason there is nothing selfish about it. When he denies me of my orgasms, I almost feel more pleasure than I do when I actually get to cum.

See that's the thing, when I have sex and I cum, its fucking fantastic. I feel submissive, sexy, useful, safe and loved. While I am horny and wanting I feel confident and submissive. But as soon as the sex is over, as soon as I have had my orgasm, then it all winds back down and I find myself not caring much at all about submission or pleasing him. Well, I care in the same way any vanilla girl would. Of course this is only the hour or so after an orgasm I am talking about, soon enough I get back to feeling pretty damn erotic and sexual, needing and craving the submission etc. But orgasms make it go away for a short amount of time and I don't know if I like that. I mean I do, but right now I get I am not quite skilled enough with the whole submission thing. I have not learnt, I have not been trained or conditioned.

So yes, I do love the feeling of putting him first. Right now it is mainly sexual I think... At least in terms of needs. This I want I think putting him first is wonderful, but things I need. Well I am not ready to submit completely simply because we are learning. Once I have the faith and trust needed then yes, but perhaps orgasm denial would be fantastic training for me. Learning to keep my mouth shut if he tells me to stop begging, learning that he comes first even when it is insanely hard. That's the thing, I need to learn and I need help learning. I can't teach myself all this, and I would love a sexual rule for our relationship because so far I don't think he has even thought of any.

I have so many ideas. Things like, when I am begging then he will edge me more. If I talk too much about something, then I am to lay on the floor beside him and touch myself until I am close but I must not cum. I would love for him to enjoy teasing me, I would love for him to give me rules like I must edge myself once per day but not cum. Or edge myself each time I would normally masturbate. Perhaps things like looking at porn is a must, but no touching. Anything and everything to get me to the point that I am a submissive, horny and wet little fuck doll. Of course I can still function just fine around the house, it could perhaps be a little bit of that extra motivation I feel I need.

I predict that feeling desperate and horny all the time will help me to feel that submission and control I need. Of course, I do not expect to have sex at my whim when I am horny and begging all the time, not at all. But I do expect that my constant arousal will make him desire me more. I expect that I will find myself begging to suck his cock more and more often, begging to give him sexual satisfaction because that is the closest I will get to an orgasm myself.

I also expect that I will find myself more alert, satisfied, submissive, clear, at peace, content, kind and loving. My mind will perhaps learn to change into something more vulnerable and loving, something humble and more willing to please.

I really want to try this out, perhaps just for a week to start. Perhaps even make it a reward system, if I do everything perfectly around the house then I can cum once. If I get up and go to the gym then I can cum. If I please him, then I can cum. This is training, this is what I am asking for.