Some of these are fantasy/kink and I have not experienced them. Hence I may actually not like them much. No idea, just going from my head.

• Having me edge myself routinely. 
• Telling me you are using me when we fuck and I don't cum.
• Tell me the reasons why you are using me. Examples: Training me, teaching me obedience, telling me that I am nothing but a fuck doll, telling me my pleasure is not important, teaching me selflessness. Because you enjoy it. Because I am a doll now, and dolls are made to be used etc.
• Having me edge while you watch.
• Teasing me with it, getting my hopes up. Telling me I can cum tonight if I do something and then saying no. Why? Because I am your fuck doll and I need to learn to accept what you say as law.
• Making a point to get me frustrated and close only to deny me yourself again and again.
• Making me tell you all the reasons why I can't cum.
• Making me tell you what I am, or am becoming. Fuck doll, pet, slave, whore, slut, brainless etc.
• Making me repeat these things in a mantra until it burns into my mind.
• Having me edge myself in humiliating or degrading ways. Examples: Rubbing myself up against the edge of the couch, chair, rubbish bin, toilet, shower, pillow, cushion, teddy bear, your boot, your leg.
• Restricting me from touching myself all together for periods of time.
• Tell me I may only edge with something humiliating or degrading for a set period of time. Example: Vegetables, household tools, whatever.
• Chaining my hands to a collar so that I can do normal tasks, but not reach my cunt to touch it.
• Chastity, no touching at all. Getting me a chastity belt or piercings to keep my cunt locked shut.
• Telling me that my arse and mouth are all that will be used for a set amount of time.
• Telling me the reasons why my arse and mouth will only be used. Because my pleasure is not important in this training. Because my mouth hole is a fuck hole, not for talking. Because my arse feels better for you and my cunt is for lube only this week etc.
• Gagging me for set amounts of time.
• Gagging me while you use me.
• Gagging me for a few days and only taking the gag out to eat or suck cock.
• Telling me why this is happening, why you are training me this way. Examples: To teach me what my mouth hole is for. To teach me that my thoughts do not matter, only doing as told. To teach me that I am useful and happiest when my holes are stuffed full.
• Training me to stay completely still and silent while you use all my holes.
• Training me to stay in whatever position you put me in, just like a doll.
• Using an open mouth gag to hold my mouth open while you fuck and use it.
• Teaching me to offer my mouth to you daily when you get home from work.
• Teaching me to present my hole of choice to you to fuck in whichever way you please when asked.
• Inspecting me in a way that is objectifying, treating me as property that must be clean and ready for use.
• Having me crawl for set periods of time.
• Using me as a table to set your drinks on for set periods of time.
• Having me fetch you things from around the house on my hands and knees.
• Making me thank you after such acts. Telling me why they are happening. Examples: To teach me to enjoy everything you have to offer. To teach me blind obedience, to make me humble and teach humility. To make me submissive and more of a whore. To help me become a better slave, doll, whore, pet etc. Because you enjoy watching it happen and that is what matters.
• Telling me why you are doing everything you do in great detail, because this is the mental side and it is what does it for me. I can't learn, submit or enjoy unless this happens.
• Making me clean the house in erotic, sexual, humiliating or degrading ways. Example: On my hands and knees, with a scrubbing brush in my mouth. Not allowed to use hands. Must be wearing butt plug. Husband touching me and fingering my holes while I clean. Hands chained to make it harder. Slutty sexy outfits. Gagged completely. 
• Have me work out and exercise my body in sexual, erotic, humiliating or degrading ways. Examples: Push-ups while deep throating dildo. Squats while fucking dildo. Crunches while sucking your cock.
• Calling me by a pet name. A name that represents who I am as a submissive.
• Letting me call you a name that represents you as a Dominant.
• Calling me dirty degrading name during sex.
• Have me sit at your feet and pet me. Stroke my hair, treat me like a little kitten or puppy.

Well the holidays have been intense for sure.

I took a break from writing for about two weeks. I must say I needed it, because my reasons for not sharing are basically because I do not know where to start. There has been so much going on in my head that I simply cannot untangle all these thoughts. That is a reason to blog though, right?

So I found some video's on you-tube. A woman who was something called a Surrendered Wife. She was very religious of course, and I am not so much into the whole submit to your Husband because God thing, but the concepts still humbled me. Not that she was doing it because of God, she did it for her relationship. Anyway, it seemed to be a lot like D/s, just without the Dominant.

I am not fond of the idea of Submission without a Dominant though, but perhaps it is somewhere to start? It seems to take half the connection out. The growth you build as a pair, the opportunity for play and discipline. The comfort and safety you need from your Dominant in order to let go. It is basically submission to an extent without any of that. Though I should explain further.

So the concepts are simple, but also very hard for your typical wife or girlfriend. Basically you actively stop controlling your man. Seems simple, right? But it is not. Woman often tend to control on so many levels due to a basic fear of not having our needs met that we learnt somewhere in our childhoods.

We may have been let down by a father figure, like me. Or maybe we were a younger sister who only got hand-me-downs and we felt hurt and abandoned. Perhaps it was as simple as not getting what we wanted to Christmas, but at some point in time these hurt feelings stuck with us and we decided that if we wanted things done, if we wanted to get what we needed in our relationships, then we need to do it ourselves.

So we learnt how to control. Of course everyone on the planet does this, not only woman. But the point is that we can only change and fix ourselves, not another. So we focus on us, on abandoning the need to control our relationships and letting our men grow into the confident partners we so dearly crave.

So, what is your control drama?

The concept of control is something I am quite familiar with. When I was a young girl I read the Celestine Prophecy books and took great interest. They had a similar idea when it came to control. We all have a control drama which we learnt in our childhoods. Each and every one of us. I always though I was fairly good, and in some ways I am. But over these last few weeks I realized I am actually terrified of giving up control because deep down I fear that my needs will go unmet and unnoticed.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand, the concepts of a Surrendered Wife. So, a Surrendered Wife makes it a point to completely give up control over her Husband. Not control of herself though, she puts looking after herself first. Making sure that doing three things she loves for herself per day in order to keep herself pleased and happy. A pleased and happy wife of course makes for a much easier and intimate relationship.

It is simply to stop treating ones Husband like a child who needs constant looking after, and to start treating him as a man who is perfectly capable of being a responsible adult. The idea is that if you treat your Husband like a child, he literally will learn to act like one. If you treat him like an adult, then he will be free to be that strong confident man you fell in love with from day one.

I had no idea how controlling I have been over this last year. It was subtle in ways you could not pin down, but my god was it there. Never was I controlling to be cruel or unfair, but only because I have been so terrified in this new country and so worried that my needs would not be met. I have not trusted my Husband with this task at all. I have not let him look after me in his own ways, and I have taken it for granted when he did. Because it was not in the way I wanted and craved, I over-looked many of the things that he did do for me.

Its not all her fault. It's just she can only change herself.

Now before I go making it sound like this is all my fault, I want to add that it is not. We both have issues that need to be worked on. He needs to give me reason to trust him and place all my faith in his ability to lead. But at the same time, he is going to have a damn hard time leading if I am not going to trust that he can and will. The reason I am talking about me and my issues, is because that is all I can change. It is up to him to work on himself, and it is time I stopped trying to force him to act a certain way. If he is going to do it, he will. If he doesn't, then he doesn't. I need to trust that what he tells me is what he is going to do.

This is not easy. This hurts me and is very scary. Right now I have some things that make it hard to trust in general, and some of these I am unsure how to bring these up without damaging his confidence or seeking to change or control him. I feel like keeping my mouth shut is a little like a lie, to both myself and him. It is not a lie, but its just hard for me to let some things go, or find alternative ways to bring them up.

Some of the ways we control our Husbands are really so subtle you may not even realize they are happening. That is what it was like for me, I thought all of this stuff was fine and normal. Which it is to a degree, at least for females. But men do not work like us, they do not respond in the same way.

Here are some simple and common ways that Woman control their Husbands. Of course they mean no harm, they have the best always in mind. But these things also leave our Husbands feeling disrespected. If your man is feeling disrespected, he is not at all likely to try to please you like he would be if he were feeling strong, loved, supported, respected and confident.

• Brushing off his ideas, no matter how silly they may seem. 

• Telling him he should call a plumber when the toilet is broken, even though he offered to fix it himself. 

• Offering him your views and opinions on a problem he needs to solve when he has not asked for them. 

• Back seat driving in the car, or telling him that he missed an exit and is now going the wrong way.

• Belittling the way he does things, or offering to do them for him. Acting as though you have a better way to solve the problem. (Which you may, but that is not the point)

• Buying clothes, underwear and socks for him. 

• Being on his case about his diet or exercise. 

• Giving him lists of chores to do on weekends or when he comes home from work.

• Speaking for him in social situations, or explaining to others what he meant when he said something.

• Correcting him when he is telling stories or sharing experiences.

• Giving him 'the look' of disapproval. 

To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don't grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float.

                                                            Alan Watts

Too often we find people who abandoned who they really are, gave up on their hopes and dreams or picked a path based on what society perhaps told you was appropriate. It is a real shame to see this, but there are people out there who fight tooth and nail to be the best they possibly can while holding their true self and desires as close as ever. 

As a submissive I would assume you are one of those people, weather you are male or female. 

The word itself has such a negative connotation these days, people seem to think it means weak, unable to think for oneself, incapable of leadership, allowing oneself to be walked over or taken advantage of, doormat, fragile, meek, timid...

No, that is not the case anymore. Perhaps once upon a time when females had no choice and were even beaten or locked away in mental institutes for attempting to be dominant... I can understand how someone who has been suppressed and virtually abused their whole life would be a little timid and meek.

But now we have the choice, we are not (as) suppressed. We are strong humans with a genuine desire to serve. Lets work together to give the word -submissive- a fresh meaning.

Gender should not be an issue, yet we still face these challenges

Being a female in today's world means it is widely expected you are independent and strong, almost as though you need to put on the pants and strive to be a man in a male dominated society. Now that is not to say submissive's are not strong and independent people, because many if not the majority of us are. It is to say that in the last 50 years, relying on, or giving yourself completely to another has become somewhat frowned upon. We finally have freedom as an equal gender, usually. It is understandable that there is a little bit of stigma regarding females who wish to submit. But feminism is about having the option to pick and choose what YOU want with your life, not have another pick for you.

Now for men it has always been expected that you will be strong and independent. From a young age you have been taught that certain feelings or that too much feeling is not acceptable. To submit to someone, especially a woman, is something that is frowned upon by so many people whether we like it or not. It is considered weak and degrading and it is completely unfair. You are the strong and dominant gender, right? (Sarcasm) No, you are who-ever and what-ever you want to be. Besides, you are one hell of a strong person if you stick with what you want even when bombarded with the general ignorance of the masses telling you that as a man you submit to no one. 


This is what you are

• Strong, you enjoy putting others first
• Brave, you trust in the will of your Dominant
• Loving, you are willing to give him/her everything
• Gentle and receptive while being tough and brave
• Humble, able to learn from your mistakes
• Dedicated, willing to really give it your all
• Beautiful, a gift to be cherished
• Balanced, creating a gentle dynamic that flows.

But we push through anyway, knowing in our heart what we desire

Those of you that push past these social stigmas and keep heading towards what you feel is right in your heart, you are wonderful. You do what you feel is right for you, not what a culture or group of people said you should be doing. That is something to be very proud of my friends.

We have such strength and grace, the opposite of weakness

Submissive's are incredibly strong people. They know what they want, they work on themselves and they strive to be the best they can. They embrace fear and push boundaries, opening their hearts fully to another human being, knowing perfectly well this person could crush them in an instant.

We are brave enough to fall, we know we will find safety

But here we are, leaping into the void with open arms. We are completely vulnerable and free, even with chains around our bodies. We don't know what the future will hold but we trust that we can make it beautiful. We trust in our choice of partner and we give them everything, even the things we are too afraid to give ourselves. This takes such a huge amount of strength, it really does.

When you are told to do something by a dominant, and you know it is not what you do but you still put your faith in that person and let them pick for you. That is not easy and it deserves so much respect. When you are tied down and blindfolded, and your Master or Mistress is guiding you through something that is likely going to be scary and painful, but still you push on with such beautiful dedication and will. When you are in an argument with your husband or wife who also happens to be your Dominant, and you take a deep breath and let them have control even when you would rather give them a slap on the face... See what I mean?

You are something to be admired

When you submit... You are saying "Here I am world, come take me and give me the best you have and I promise I will come out better than ever!" See it is not just about having faith in your partner; you have to have a degree of faith in the universe. I don't mean blind faith here either. You made an informed decision to live life as you see it because it is better to live fully or not at all.

You are open minded too, am I right? You are not a judgmental person, but instead one who has empathy and a heart that reaches out to others in times of need. You love to see people smile, and it is even better when you know you had something to do with that smile. You strive to make those around you feel just a little bit better, and now you are seeking someone you can truly dedicate that side of yourself to.

Take it all in, hold these thoughts close

See it's not about needing guidance, you are perfectly capable of that yourself. But wanting guidance is another thing altogether, wanting to feel that same love given back to you that you so often give to others. To feel needed and desired, appreciated and loved while doing your best to give that to the other person. In a world where you spend so much time looking after others, you can finally feel what it is like to have someone deeply looking after you also.

All of you submissive folk are beautiful people. Don't you ever forget that.


I would love to know what you think your personal strengths are as a Submissive, or perhaps the things you are proud of in your Sub as a loving Dominant. Leave a comment below!


Picture found here.

Tonight it would seem I received a bit of a lecture. One that told me exactly what I needed to hear even if it was slightly hard at times to take. Not as hard as I would have thought though, something about listening to him speak and explain things, even in his frustration. I appreciate it, his talking and telling me exactly what is on his mind. 

Now I have a clear head and set purpose. I feel like things are grounded rather than crazy and out of control as I so often feel inside my own head. It really made a difference.

Often he is silent, as if his thoughts are held back and he struggles to speak. I am the opposite of this, and not in a good way. I find holding back emotion and thoughts that stem from my emotions to be very challenging indeed. As if  simply cannot breathe until the problem has been talked about. And by talk about I really mean ranting at my husband until there are no words left inside. 

Of course I need this, to be able to speak freely and get it all off my chest. The issue is that I too often do so out of pain and frustration, not out of love and empathy. It is so hard when you are feeling a strong emotion flowing through your veins, hard to rationalize and speak with the clarity you normally would. 


Sometimes we say things we will regret later

Those times when your intentions are for the best but the way you go about expressing them is so full of hurt. Sometimes good intentions are not enough, even if we can have compassion and understand why your actions were as they were. Because of that hurt little part inside of you, you subtly take shots at the other person in ways that are in fact designed to hurt them back. Well, who am I kidding, it is not always all that subtle.

You say things you normally would never say, you accuse and you aim your comments in ways that you know will make the other person feel pain, and even when you love them more than the world, you do it anyway because in those moments you think 'If they make me suffer, why shouldn't I show them what it is like to be hurt by the one you love?' Of course this is in no way correct nor fair, but it just tends to be the way thoughts go when you are suffering deeply.

Your loved one is in exactly the same boat though, they never really meant to hurt you, its just they are so full of pain that sometimes things slip out that are not true nor fair to say. Or they do something that hurts you, when they did not even know they were hurting you in the first place.


But we need to learn to listen deeply and with love

Misunderstandings are common and they stem from simply being human. But as we grow and work on our skills with empathy, communication and understanding, we can gradually change that. We can change it to the point that we really do speak with the heart and soul of your partner directly rather than just hearing the words they say on the surface and thinking that you understand without having ever really listened at all.

So my problem is speaking cruelly from hurt and angry when I am upset and failing to acknowledge the good things done for me in attempt to ease the misunderstanding and give me support. My dear husband told me this quiet clearly tonight after a small argument, and perhaps for the first time I am really doing my best to listen.

It has something to do with a change of mindset within me, that we are both working on finding our place within the wide world of D/s. I am starting to think twice about all the times I shrug off his opinions, simply because my own are so clear and strong. Its not the say I think I am wrong, but I need to stop thinking that he is wrong also. It is perspective, and his is just as valid and strong as mine.


We need to learn to trust the other, that they desire only to love and care

I don't have to agree with him to be respectful, and I do not have to agree with him to submit. Not that this is really about D/s at all, but my mind does go there automatically now. I think about my path into submission and how I am going to need to stand down and listen to him completely with his views and opinions being law. Of course we have awhile to go, we will not rush this. Trust is something that needs to be built until I am ready to let him have control, and the same goes for him with trusting me to give him a damn chance.

From now on I am going to take extra care to show my appreciation and joy a the things he does for me, rather than focusing on nit picking at the things he is yet to learn. His offer to make me a cup of tea is loving and perfect, even if I am yearning for a cuddle and a few kind words. He is not the best with affection, and I am not the best at being kind in times of pain.

But this fine, because it is our journey together. Our exploration of this world and what it means to live fully as a human being. I will forever be holding his hand through thick and thin. Our arguments make us stronger and closer each time, and for this I am grateful.


And in time we will learn to be loving and vulnerable

I must add that writing this down as I am really helps set it in my head. It makes it a serious matter that is hard to forget, and I do deeply need this. It is why I want punishment, not because I will enjoy the act of being punished, but because I know that it will help me learn quite likely better than anything else.

I don't want to have a casual conversation about an issue and have it fade into the back of my mind as the days pass. I want to have a lecture like I got tonight, a fitting punishment to go with it, and then a gentle conversation and cuddle to make sure I really got it through my head.

My words and voice can be so over powering sometimes it is really a wonder that he speaks at all. (slight exaggeration) I would love to see my husband with the confidence to put his foot down with confidence and set things straight. I do trust him with this, 100% It is just I need to give him the chance, and he needs to see the proof that it will really work and make a difference.

Rather than push them away in fear

I may not be a conventional wife, but I am a damn dedicated one. But having a firm hand to guide me truly helps, just like it did tonight. I need to stop pushing him away when I am upset, because I do need him deeply, and I am sick of pretending otherwise.

All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership.

Ann Landers

Coming soon to a webpage near you! Or in front of you, likely on your screen... Right now in fact!

Hello lovely's!

I have an insane amount of work to do in order to get my blog up and running for you all! Of course I am super excited, a tiny bit overwhelmed but completely 100% ready to make something truly special.

I moved from Tumblr literally about three or four days ago now, and I think I am doing pretty damn well with getting it all together considering the massive amount of writing to be done.

I have no intention of rushing any posts though! Each and every single one will be created to feed your soul and infuse you with loving and informative writing regarding BDSM, D/s and Spirituality.

I ask that you hang in there during these initial phases, because right now getting everything set is going to take a little more time, but oh will it be worth it!

Are you excited!? I sure am!

See you soon lovely's - Much love and kisses, Spiritually Submissive.