Spiritually Submissive

Showing posts with label Punishment. Show all posts

Something Wonderful Happened

Tonight it would seem I received a bit of a lecture. One that told me exactly what I needed to hear even if it was slightly hard at times to take. Not as hard as I would have thought though, something about listening to him speak and explain things, even in his frustration. I appreciate it, his talking and telling me exactly what is on his mind.

Now I have a clear head and set purpose. I feel like things are grounded rather than crazy and out of control as I so often feel inside my own head. It really made a difference.

Often he is silent, as if his thoughts are held back and he struggles to speak. I am the opposite of this, and not in a good way. I find holding back emotion and thoughts that stem from my emotions to be very challenging indeed. As if simply cannot breathe until the problem has been talked about. And by talk about I really mean ranting at my husband until there are no words left inside.

Of course I need this, to be able to speak freely and get it all off my chest. The issue is that I too often do so out of pain and frustration, not out of love and empathy. It is so hard when you are feeling a strong emotion flowing through your veins, hard to rationalize and speak with the clarity you normally would.

Sometimes we say things we will regret later

Those times when your intentions are for the best but the way you go about expressing them is so full of hurt. Sometimes good intentions are not enough, even if we can have compassion and understand why your actions were as they were. Because of that hurt little part inside of you, you subtly take shots at the other person in ways that are in fact designed to hurt them back. Well, who am I kidding, it is not always all that subtle.

You say things you normally would never say, you accuse and you aim your comments in ways that you know will make the other person feel pain, and even when you love them more than the world, you do it anyway because in those moments you think 'If they make me suffer, why shouldn't I show them what it is like to be hurt by the one you love?' Of course this is in no way correct nor fair, but it just tends to be the way thoughts go when you are suffering deeply.

Your loved one is in exactly the same boat though, they never really meant to hurt you, its just they are so full of pain that sometimes things slip out that are not true nor fair to say. Or they do something that hurts you, when they did not even know they were hurting you in the first place.

But we need to learn to listen deeply and with love

Misunderstandings are common and they stem from simply being human. But as we grow and work on our skills with empathy, communication and understanding, we can gradually change that. We can change it to the point that we really do speak with the heart and soul of your partner directly rather than just hearing the words they say on the surface and thinking that you understand without having ever really listened at all.

So my problem is speaking cruelly from hurt and angry when I am upset and failing to acknowledge the good things done for me in attempt to ease the misunderstanding and give me support. My dear husband told me this quiet clearly tonight after a small argument, and perhaps for the first time I am really doing my best to listen.

It has something to do with a change of mindset within me, that we are both working on finding our place within the wide world of D/s. I am starting to think twice about all the times I shrug off his opinions, simply because my own are so clear and strong. Its not the say I think I am wrong, but I need to stop thinking that he is wrong also. It is perspective, and his is just as valid and strong as mine.

We need to learn to trust the other, that they desire only to love and care

I don't have to agree with him to be respectful, and I do not have to agree with him to submit. Not that this is really about D/s at all, but my mind does go there automatically now. I think about my path into submission and how I am going to need to stand down and listen to him completely with his views and opinions being law. Of course we have awhile to go, we will not rush this. Trust is something that needs to be built until I am ready to let him have control, and the same goes for him with trusting me to give him a damn chance.

From now on I am going to take extra care to show my appreciation and joy a the things he does for me, rather than focusing on nit picking at the things he is yet to learn. His offer to make me a cup of tea is loving and perfect, even if I am yearning for a cuddle and a few kind words. He is not the best with affection, and I am not the best at being kind in times of pain.

But this fine, because it is our journey together. Our exploration of this world and what it means to live fully as a human being. I will forever be holding his hand through thick and thin. Our arguments make us stronger and closer each time, and for this I am grateful.

And in time we will learn to be loving and vulnerable

I must add that writing this down as I am really helps set it in my head. It makes it a serious matter that is hard to forget, and I do deeply need this. It is why I want punishment, not because I will enjoy the act of being punished, but because I know that it will help me learn quite likely better than anything else.

I don't want to have a casual conversation about an issue and have it fade into the back of my mind as the days pass. I want to have a lecture like I got tonight, a fitting punishment to go with it, and then a gentle conversation and cuddle to make sure I really got it through my head.

My words and voice can be so over powering sometimes it is really a wonder that he speaks at all. (slight exaggeration) I would love to see my husband with the confidence to put his foot down with confidence and set things straight. I do trust him with this, 100% It is just I need to give him the chance, and he needs to see the proof that it will really work and make a difference.

Rather than push them away in fear

I may not be a conventional wife, but I am a damn dedicated one. But having a firm hand to guide me truly helps, just like it did tonight. I need to stop pushing him away when I am upset, because I do need him deeply, and I am sick of pretending otherwise.

All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership.

Ann Landers

Spanking, Oh my! Where do I start?

Spanking should be done on the areas of the buttocks and thighs that are nicely padded with a good amount of muscle and fat. This is to make sure you avoid damaging skin, hurting areas that are close to the bone or even your submissive's kidneys.

You want to focus the majority of your attention on the fleshy part of your submissive's buttocks, give the section directly under the curve of the buttock a nice amount of attention, and perhaps lightly swat his/her upper thighs.

Handy chart is handy! Much love from all us visual learners.

Let's talk positions

Oh there are so many delicious options for you to choose from, each of which has different benefits and drawbacks.

Generally the more relaxed the muscle, the less it is going to hurt. However, tense muscle will prove quite a bit harder for your submissive to handle.

For example: The Diaper position requires that your submissive hold his or her legs straight up in the air for a period of time. Depending on how fit and flexible he/she is, the task of holding your legs up in this way can be bad enough without the added sensation from a switch or paddle.

OTK or Over the Knee can prove relaxing and gentle, and is good when you are after a caring and comforting vibe while you spank. The same can be done laying on the bed relaxed, but kneeling on the bed brings back that same issue of muscle tension.

However you do it, make sure to read your submissive to see how he/she feels in this position. Is she comfortable? Is his body stressed in a way that could make your swats extra painful?

Slow and steady wins the race

Not only does your submissive's skin and muscles require a little warm up, but so does his/her mind. You want him/her to slip gently into a nice fuzzy head-space, one where they are relaxed and comfortable, not tense and anxious. (Of course a little tension and anxiety may be expected, but this is just another reason a good warm up is of utmost importance.)

Starting with your submissive fully clothed before slowly peeling off layers can be a good way to warm him/her up. You can also just start with nice, gentle loving spanking until you feel he/she is ready to receive harder swats.

Paddles, canes, floggers and more, oh my!

There are so many wonderful toys and objects you can use to create over whelming pleasure or perhaps swift punishment for your submissive. But you need to remember that not all toys or objects cause the same sensation.

A spanking with a firm hand can be perfect for bonding and pleasure, and your submissive may be able to handle quite firm swats, however when you switch to a hairbrush you may find that he or she cannot handle this sensation in the slightest.

Always pay close attention to the reactions of your submissive, and remember to build up slow and steady, especially when trying out new toys.

Different toys will cause different marks and bruises on your submissive's skin. The chart below should help you find out which is which and find something suitable for you.

The point is: Emotional, spiritual and physical release... Or a good punishment.

A good spanking has so many benefits. Sometimes you may find your submissive's emotions become a little too much for he or she to handle, or perhaps he or she had a stressful day and need something to make it all go away.

This is where a good spanking comes in handy. Do not be afraid of continuing your spanking until the submissive has nothing left to give and is in tears. This may be tears from the pain, but even more likely they are tears of emotional release. We all need a little release from time to time.

Remember, your safe-word is key. She may scream "No, Sir! Stop!" But some submissive's just enjoy playing around with head spaces of non-consent, even when they are fully consenting. Always watch her body language, but do not be afraid to end your session with tears.

If your spanking session was to teach a lesson or enforce a rule, then you end the session still in much the same way. Once he or she has learnt something from their experience and they are ready to remember this lesson much better next time around.

Check out my post on punishment spanking for more need to know information.

Cuddles and lovey times. - Aftercare.

The most important part, aftercare. Always look after your submissive. Always make sure he or she is cared for with all of the love and attention you can muster.

There is no excuse for missing or ignoring aftercare, it is by far the most important finisher for any scene, no matter how small. Her emotional, spiritual and perhaps even physical well-being depends on it.

Check that she is okay, give her lots of soft gentle touches, pick her up and place her down on the bed with her favorite blanket and teddy.

Whip out the lotion and get to work giving her or his skin a warm and gentle massage, making sure that he or she is comfortable and feeling safe in your care.

Take this moment to perhaps talk about what happened, check her feelings and maybe express yours. Of course your submissive may still be in a head-space, in which case you should wait a little longer until she is ready to speak.

Now is also a good time to have a snack for both of you, something light and small to regain a little lost energy and help to ground your energy.

Take this time to love one another, deeply and truly.

“When his hand came down across my bottom the first time I thought I was going to die. But the pain passed, transmuted as if my some alchemical wizardry, and for a moment I experienced a surreal satisfaction in being bent over in this way without rights or choices, past or future. In pain you are living in the present and as the pain passes there is pleasure from having endured the pain.” ― Chloe Thurlow, Being a Girl

Pictures from this website.

Don't hurt me, Daddy! I mean... Harder, please!

Picture found here.

So you want to try Punishment Spanking?

You came to the right place, here you shall find everything you need to know on this simple, beautiful and effective act.

Spanking is a good general punishment. Although Spanking can be used for fun, sex or just because you both feel like it, it is most definitely an effective punishment also.

Now, because it can be used in other ways, make sure that you let your submissive know that this will be a punishment spanking, and it is not meant to be fun or pleasurable.

The basics of Punishment Spanking are as follows.

- Confront. Let your submissive know why this is happening, what is about to happen, and what you expect the outcome to be.

- Position. Position your submissive. There are many good positions you can use and each have different benefits. Some examples are over the knee, kneeling or asking her to lean over the bed. You may want to restrain him/her if you feel he/she will wiggle or try to escape. (Movement may mean hitting the wrong place!)

- Warm up. This can be done in a few different ways. You can start your spanking soft and gradually get harder, or perhaps start with him/her clothed to cushion the blows. Warming up is very important!

- Follow through. Always follow through with your punishment. You can go easier on him/her if needed, but remember you are the one in control and your submissive is being taught a lesson. If he/she safe-words then stop right away, but remember that punishment is not fun and you may very likely encounter begging or crying.

- Aftercare. Give him/her a small massage afterwards, perhaps rub some ointment to help with any bruising, or pain she may experience afterwards! Remember kind words and cuddles, is it very important that your submissive feels safe and protected after any punishment, no matter how small.

“I want to spank you, but also want to know you want it. I need to hear it sweetheart, tell me you deserve it…” ― Felicity Brandon, Friday's Lesson

Remember Dominants, It's all in the head!

Remember that like any punishment, the psychological side is equally, if not more important! You need to make him/her feel naughty, guilty and bad. This is not a fun game, this is punishment, and it is serious. Get inside his/her head! Make him/her FEEL, really truly feel!

Every inch of your submissive's mind and body needs to know that you are teaching and training him/her. He/she needs to know what he/she is. He/she is yours! He/she shall not disobey you again. You own his/her body and his/her mind. Make him/her KNOW that!

He/she is your slave, your object, your pet, your plaything, your slut, your whore, your fuck doll, your beautiful little perfect angel… But he/she is yours and you will do with him/her as YOU please. Some ideas, tips and tricks for you are as follows.

Call him/her names! (BAD boy/girl, dirty little whore, disobedient little slut, etc.)
Let him/her know who owns him/her. (How DARE you disobey me! Do you care THAT little for your –Husband/Sir/Master/Owner/etc.)
Make him/her feel possessed. (You are MY slave/toy/Etc. Why are you disobeying me. I OWN you and you WILL do as I say, or you WILL be punished again!)
Make him/her come to you for the punishments. Make her hand you the tools and clean them after.
Make him/her thank you after every blow.
Make him/her count each blow.
Make him/her knee before you and ask you to punish her.
Remember even though you may be cruel now, you are doing it because you love her. Make sure you let him/her know this too!
Make him/her scream, beg, cry or whimper! If he/she is not doing any of these, then your spanking may not have been effective at all!

Your safeword is the most important thing. This should only ever be done between two consenting adults, and it is a serious no no if anyone is being placed in a position they are genuinely not consenting to or comfortable with.

Make sure to check out my post on Spanking Basics!

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