What is this all about?
So much of any D/s relationship depends heavily on some form of punishment/reward system. It is what many if not all Submissive's crave, and it is what a Dominant needs in order to be and stay in control. I have heard of a lot of D/s relationships actually fall apart at this stage. Which is a shame but I can understand why.
Serious talk to our new Dominants reading.
It is all about consistency. If you set rules and the Submissive breaks them, mistake or not... You MUST follow through with a punishment that has already been agreed upon by both parties.
Seriously Dom's, you must. Really, it ruins the whole dynamic if you forget or are too lazy to follow through with discipline and punishments. Your Submissive is going to end up losing all her respect for your Dominance and in a D/s relationship there is hardly anything worse.
It is here that a Dominant really shows what he or she is made of. Can you control yourself enough to be able to control another person? If you are lazy or complacent when it comes to punishment and reward systems. Then you are breaking the agreement you made when you started your dynamic. You are failing your submissive and you are giving her reason to lose faith and confidence in your abilities as a Dominant.
If you think you may find yourself forgetting or feeling like you cannot be bothered, then I suggest you simply start small. Don't pile on rules if you are not ready to commit. Just with one or two easy ones and build up once you have the confidence.
Punishment is both wanted and needed by Submissive's, believe it or not. It makes her feel all the things he or she wants. These things are...
- Controlled
- Safe
- Cared for
- Loved
- Possessed
- Respected
- Less Guilty
Not only that, but it creates the feeling that she is being helped to improve. It is not easy learning to submit. There are going to be times when he or she will struggle to comply with your rules, and the Dominant needs to be there to make sure that his or her disobedience does not happen. When it does, the punishment and discipline is swift, fair and caring.
Your submissive needs yourself in learning, your help is a caring attitude, well thought out and consistent punishments and rewards for when things are done correctly.
A Dominant is training their Submissive. It is a little like training a dog, do not expect that your Submissive will just be able to do everything perfectly right off the bat. That is not how it works in any world. Creating a well trained submissive takes time and effort, it is work and it is serious.
Some examples of good punishment are...
- Spanking/flogging/whipping
- Time out
- Standing or kneeling in the corner
- A lecture or harsh words
- Written punishment of what was done wrong
- Humiliation
- Cleaning or chores
- Restricted movement
Never use denial of attention as a punishment. Do not withhold your love and care. Do not ignore This is neglect. (Unless talked about and agreed upon)
Once your Submissive has corrected the wrong doing, then you should give him or her a nice reward. It is about love, trust and learning. You must always be kind and fair.
Reward
Reward is important because your Submissive needs to know that he or she is pleasing you are doing this right. It makes him or her feel loved and cared for, cherished and wanted. Your submissive is encouraged to keep doing a good job, and now knows exactly what to do to keep the Dominant happy and satisfied in the ways that please him or her.
It shows that the Dominant is thinking of them and watching what they do with love and care. Your submissive is then going to be very content and in return do everything with that much more spirit and enthusiasm. Some examples of good rewards are...
- Orgasms
- A loving kiss and Thank You
- A tender pet on the head as he or she sits at your feet
- A written note
- Flowers
- Small gifts
- Sexual pleasure only for the Submissive
- Massages
- New clothes or toys
- Kind words with intention
- Treats
Treat your Submissive well and you will have someone who wants to please you. Respects you. Treat them unfairly or forget about them in times they need you, then you will have an angry, upset, neglected Submissive who lacks respect for you.
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