Been awhile, huh?

I disappeared, neglected messages, stopped writing. 

I suppose that is obvious, one need only look at my blog. Unfinished, forgotten. Yet over the years, I received many messages and comments from people reaching out, offering support and adding their own experiences. None of those messages were unread, and I am grateful for all the input I received even if you did not get a reply. 

You see, I delved inward. Like so many of us do, it was time for me to search inside and discover all these little parts of myself that I previously didn't know existed. I had to let go of old habits, face fears and overcome past issues. I had to grow, mature, evolve. 

When I first started writing this blog I had only recently moved to the United States. I was afraid, clinging to certainty and solidity wherever I could find it. So much of my desire to submit was based on this fear, this yearning to be taken care of because I was so alone and lost in my own life. It wasn't always healthy, but over the years those nasty habits have become obvious and so very much has changed. 

My submissive desires have changed too, as they're no longer a desperate, frantic ache that screams to be filled. Now they are more of a gentle, loving, vulnerable acceptance. An internal part of myself that is feminine, sacred and ineffable. Eternal, this energy - this essence that we all share in some form or another.

It's about far more than just D/s now, it is life and balance. It is nature and nurture. It is a gentle yearning, a non-dualistic feeling that is akin to living poetry more than carnal lust or terrified youth seeking masculine guidance.

My Husband never let me down, even if he didn't turn into the fantasy Dominant Prince I had firmly fixated in my mind. He supported me through everything, and today we are learning new methods together. New ways of being intimate, raw and vulnerable. I have taught him things and he has taught me, but the lessons and journey are far from over. 

If you'd like to listen I will share, but bear with me as I redivert my energy back into these pages once again. So much needs to be changed, edited and expanded upon. Opinions have changed and grown, desires have evolved and flowered. 

I would like to thank everyone that offered support, whether it be through personal messages or comments on my posts. Thank you to those of you who reached out, encouraged me to keep writing or simply mentioned you'd been reading for awhile. Your support means more than you'll ever know. 

Stay awesome - Madelaine.