So This is Respect?

It occurred to me this morning what it is that makes following orders in a D/s relationship so important and necessary.

I read about respect a lot during my, well... Lets just call it study phase. It has been at least three years now of rather intense BDSM study. Where I have scrolled through countless webpages and turned the pages of many books. I have watched video's, listened to speeches and admired blogs. As much as I have read, still it would seem concepts do not click properly until you actually do them yourself.

So it has been about a year now with my Husband. A year in which we were getting to know each other and how we both work. I have seen my Husband grow in confidence on this topic first hand, going from fairly ignorant on the subject of BDSM, to fairly understanding of a majority of topics ranging from rope bondage to mental mindsets.

We are both growing with each other

In the last month or two, I have seen some major changes in regards to how he acts with me. He has started giving me orders rather than asking politely. Growing more and more confident everyday in his new found Dominant skin. Although he takes things slow and steady, he is also thoughtful, respectful and careful in the way he does things. I very much appreciate this, even if at times his slow and steady attitude is frustrating.

So I have two set rules now it would seem, both of them are in my opinion fairly major. The first is that I do Yoga every weekday. It would seem I pick how long and what style, but still it is expected that I do it. The second, starting today. Is that I get up early in the mornings with him, at around 7am it would seem. For a woman who has literally nothing to do all day save clean and play video games, this one is quite a big deal.

I think it clicked

So there I was, laying in bed literally saying "Fucking shit-balls" in my head, debating why on earth I would get up this early to spend the day doing nothing important once again. If I had not been told to do so by my Husband, I would have stayed tucked up nice and warm. If it were any other person telling me to get up, I would have promptly said "Lol, fuck no." If my Husband and I had not agreed to work on a D/s relationship, I also would have said the same.

But I know how hard he has worked on his confidence in order to do this for us. I know how he makes himself vulnerable for my rejection. I could have just said "Baaaby, I am sleeping in..." and  much of his trust for me would have been compromised.

He has to place his faith in me that I will stay true to my word in situations that make him uncomfortable. I know he does not find it easy giving me orders, but I watch as he does it anyway and I gain so much respect for him. In fact, it is out of this respect that my desire to please comes. Because I know I cannot let him down now, not when he worked hard for me. Even if I don't want to get up early or wake up, the thought of letting him down is simply not acceptable.

It is a new kind of vulnerability for both of us

It is scary actually, to know that I am that willing to please him. So willing that I am content to give myself discomfort if it means he is happy. Of course I knew this was to be expected in a D/s relationship all along, but as I said when things click in your mind, they seem to take on a whole new level of meaning.

Such experiences are interesting to be sure. Somewhat unexpected even though it should have been totally expected. Even now I find myself wondering what I am getting into if I can really feel so strongly about breaking my husbands simple rules. This is where epic trust comes in eh? If this is going to be me, then I damn well need to trust he will never take advantage or risk my well-being with my seemingly new-found submissive mind.

And again, its one of those things. I 'know' he will, but in many ways we still do not have enough experiences for me to really know he will always take care of me. That one still needs to click.